KHR 8059 Brick walls

Brick walls and the perfect combination.

’Hayato.’
Bianchi found her younger brother sitting on a brick wall near the park, a sign that he was thinking about something, something that bothered him a lot. She was standing behind him, watching his back. The boy did not react so she called out a second time, in a soft pleading voice.

’Hayato. Have you been sitting here all the time?’ He probably had. He hadn’t even come to school, and made his friends worry. Nana hand asked Bianchi if she would be able to talk to him, as women intuitively feel when something is going wrong.

’Go away,’ Gokudera finally said. His voice sounded broken. He had been hanging around all day, trying to put his thoughts and feelings in order, trying to figure out what he really wanted to do from here on.

He wanted to become the Tenth’s right-hand man, but he felt incapable, seeing as Yamamoto the baseball-idiot was much more fit for the job. He didn’t want jealousy to consume him, but he couldn’t help hating Yamamoto in one way… while he also admired him. If only he could be more like him…

‘You’re just being stubborn and hard on yourself,’ Bianchi said. She was not entirely sure what the problem was, but her guess wouldn’t be too far off. He had always been telling himself to be good at something, playing the piano, using his dynamite… And now he wanted to take on a major role in the Vongola family’s  tenth generation.

’So?’ Gokudera stayed where he was. Having Bianchi around stopped his train of thoughts, as if he feared she would be able to read his mind. He watched ants crawl on the brick wall, how they went seemed so random, but they probably knew perfectly where they were going. Ants just do their work, ants don’t worry.

’Do you like that Yamamoto kid?’ The words reached his brain but remained unprocessed for a while. Do you like that Yamamoto kid? Of course not! If anything I… ‘I hate him!’ Gokudera yelled, his fists clenched, breathing faster. His heart was beating in his chest. ‘Really.’ Then he heard his sister walk away from where she had been standing. When he was sure she had gone, he turned around, to see the subject of his hate standing there, in his dirtied baseball uniform.

’Yamamoto…’ There, that was that. His career in the Vongola family, his whole life was ruined. Why would Bianchi do such a thing? Why would she bring this guy with her in the first place? And the worst of all was the look on Yamamoto’s face. He wasn’t angry, it was nothing like that. Usually, this guy’s emotions were easy to read, but right now, Gokudera couldn’t make anything of it.

The expression on his face was blank, empty, his eyes were cold and silent. What had happened to the always cheerful baseball-idiot? Gokudera felt a sharp pain in his chest, he regretted saying that he hated him. And more than that, he couldn’t believe Yamamoto took it seriously, he was so naïve, always thinking the whole mafia-thing was a game. An innocent game.

And now, he was standing there, like a different person. Gokudera did not know what to say, or what to do. He stood up, thinking. He had to say something, if this continued, Yamamoto wouldn’t want to have anything to do with him anymore, and Tsuna would have to choose between Yamamoto and himself. And what would Reborn think of it, he had brought them all together in the first place. This was really the worst situation…

Suddenly, Yamamoto’s expression changed and he turned around. A single second later, he started to walk away, at a quick athlete’s pace. Gokudera did not think at all when he stepped forward, and followed the taller boy. He had no choice. Not as himself, not as the Tenth’s right-hand man. Problems should be solved.

’Yamamoto!’ Gokudera called his name and hurried after him. When he was close enough he grabbed the other’s arm to stop him. With his free arm, Yamamoto wiped his face, smeared dirt from his sleeve on his cheeks and forehead. That instant, Gokudera noticed the wetness. Tears? Had the almighty Yamamoto Takeshi been crying? Because of what he had said?

The mean part of him wanted to laugh and mock him, but he didn’t. This was troublesome, very much so. Seeing a guy who is usually so happy-go-lucky in this state was enough to turn Gokudera into a soft caring friend. Say that again?
’Don’t cry,’ he whispered, ‘it doesn’t suit you.’ Yamamoto inhaled slowly, trying to regain a normal tempo of breathing before saying anything.

’Look, you’re all muddy here… wait.’ Gokudera rummaged through his pockets and pulled out a handkerchief he never used. He reached out to wipe the tears mixed with sand when Yamamoto stopped him. Instead of being annoyed, the silver-haired boy looked up silently.

‘I love you.’ Gokudera’s eyes widened, but he did not move or say something. This explained various things, but not the sudden particular feeling he got in his stomach, or the warmth he could feel inside and on his cheeks. ‘That’s why I… ‘ But Gokudera pressed his index on the other’s lips. ‘I don’t hate you.’

’Really?’ A smile broke through Yamamoto’s face, lightening the atmosphere between the two. While he wiped the dirt away, Gokudera noticed that the feeling in his tummy grew stronger when he was so close to the other boy. Strange…
’I was just jealous because you’re always better than me,’ he blurted out.

’Oh,’ Yamamoto said, ‘but it’s just a game.’ The way he said it made Gokudera smile. There’s no way he would deny this right now. ‘Yeah, maybe,’ he said. He was just glad the idiot could laugh again. And the fuzzy feeling inside was actually nice. Wait! Wait! His brain yelled. Did you forget? Yamamoto just told you that he loves you!

’Gokudera… ‘ He pulled his hand back, even though there was still dirt on Yamamoto’s forehead. Another quick glance told him there was no one else near enough to see them. It was completely safe… his heart started beating faster as he realized the outcome of one and one. It’s two, dammit, and Yamamoto’s face was closer than ever.

It’s incredible how much you are able to think about in mere seconds, and how little result it produces. None at all, at this point. Gokudera did not turn away, or reject the other in any way. He didn’t know why, but what he felt did not feel bad at all, both the outside, where Yamamoto’s lips touched his, softly, and the inside, where the fuzziness and heart-pounding formed a rhythmic essence of life.

With the second kiss, where Gokudera closed his eyes and let Yamamoto intrude his mouth, he knew that he absolutely did not hate the other at all. Maybe he didn’t even want to be like him, what if he just, purely, wanted him? His hands reached out to embrace Yamamoto’s broader back, the other’s hands were already resting on his lower back.

’I think we are the perfect combination,’ Yamamoto said. Gokudera smiled and let his head rest against the baseball uniform, dirty or not. ‘Yeah, sure.’

~End!